TellJar / problems

Not every problem needs an instant answer. Sometimes it needs a clearer description first.

TellJar combines anonymous notes from real people with practical guides that help you organise a situation before asking strangers for an opinion. The goal is not to judge an entire life from a few sentences. It is to ask better questions, protect boundaries and find a realistic next step.

Choose a topic, read the guide, and if you still want outside perspective, return to the main jar and describe your situation. A public profile is not required. Before posting, remove names, precise locations, schools, employers and other details that could identify you or somebody else.

Back to the jarGuides
RelationshipA practical TellJar guide to relationship conflict: separating facts from assumptions, starting a difficult conversation, setting boundaries and deciding what needs to change.LonelinessA practical guide to loneliness: identify the kind of connection you are missing, rebuild regular contact and explain your situation clearly without pretending everything is fine.BetrayalA practical guide after betrayal: immediate steps, useful questions, boundaries and what rebuilding trust actually requires.FamilyA practical guide to family conflict: boundaries, pressure, comparison, privacy and what to do when a conversation keeps going in circles.StressA practical guide to stress: separate responsibilities, reduce overload, choose the next action and recognise when ordinary advice is no longer enough.FriendshipA practical guide to friendship problems: drifting apart, one-sided contact, jealousy, exclusion, boundaries and how to start a clear conversation.

Example: turn an unclear note into a question people can answer

Too vague: “Everyone ignores me. What should I do?” Readers cannot tell what happened, what the writer already tried or what kind of response would help.

More useful: “During the past two weeks, a friend cancelled our plans twice without telling me in advance. I explained that it hurt, but nothing changed. How can I ask whether we both still want to keep in touch?” This version gives a concrete event, a previous attempt and one focused question without identifying anyone.

Three questions before you publish

  1. What do I know? Describe observable events, then separate what happened from what you suspect about somebody's intentions.
  2. What would help? Are you asking to be heard, looking for a next step, checking your perspective or preparing a conversation? Say so clearly.
  3. What should stay private? Remove names, workplaces, schools, exact locations and combinations of unusual details that could identify someone.

How to evaluate a reply

A useful response addresses the facts you shared, acknowledges uncertainty and offers a realistic option. Be cautious of replies that insult the writer, diagnose a person based on a few lines or pressure someone into unsafe action. An anonymous discussion can broaden your view; it is not an official verdict.

If your situation involves threats, violence, urgent health concerns or a serious legal risk, seek appropriate local and professional support. A public reply is not enough in those circumstances. Read when online advice is not enough and how to write a safer note.

TellJar is not therapy or crisis support. If there is immediate danger, use local emergency services and appropriate professional help.